Saturday, 29 April 2017

Chronicles of the Man from another Planet

#theManfromAnotherPlanet - 20s
Is 2 ft. On longer side
Met him 2 yrs. ago.
Makes me lie down linear,...stands on 1 side of my body,... jumps up high, to land back on my TORSO, with such perfection that his knees, land exactly on my rib cage, everytime, without miss.
Is telling me, that I am, his SWIMMING 🏊 pool!!..
With an UNAPOLOGETIC.. "..thik Aye.."
a whaaTssss??!!?? Swimming pool??!!?? YES...
This is bcoz, i didn't cooperate, when, earlier in the evening, he declared, that I was a road:
"..aap meli ROAD ho, ... Thik Aye... Me aapke oopar, aishe aishe, (shows thru hand  gesture) 🚶 Chalke 🍠chhabji 🍅 lene jata uooon!"
all this... while, walking over my head to toe, with my spinal chord, forming the Centre of that ROAD...
hoWss!! non- chalent, cold blooded, IMAGINATIVE??!!
#theManfromAnotherPlanet - 20s
Is 2 ft. On longer side
Met him 2 yrs. ago.
Goes to MIRROR weeping, every 5 -10 minutes 🕒, climbs up, checks his MOUTH 👄 from various angles,.. gets sad 😔 and cries again....
back in living area... Is doing a propaganda that I've taken, some of his TEETH, and pressurizing me to return those.
complaining to my father, with a sense of betrayal n anger 💢 :
"Dada, Ishne ne ye bala daant, apne munh me laga liya... ushko daanto, achcha bachcha bee nai aye..."
shows the gap, between his toddler set of teeth...
I have spent entire evening, convincing Him, that those gaps between his teeth are natural ; and the teeth in my mouth are mine, not stolen from his set,..
scrutinizing my 'grown up set' of teeth; He inspects inside of my mouth, carefully; "aaa dikaao... (with a frown) 😦" ...
 like spies, secretly peep, and examine rooms, from above, through ventilator slit !!
Starts crying more loudly....
bcoz there are no Gaps in between mine, as compared to his teeth.
 Thinks I'm lying, and all those teeth in (imaginary) gaps, actually belong to him.
Now he is more sure that I have taken his teeth.
I do not know what to do, now. I am helpless 😣,.. Repenting, my joke, when I told him, that I took his teeth, while he was sleeping 😴.
#theManfromAnotherPlanet - 20s
Is 2 ft. On longer side
Met him 2 yrs. ago.
No one, at 🏡 home, except for 2 of us.
Me: "veer bahadur bachcha kaun??"
 He (chanting with me): "nanveel! Nanveel!!"
Me: "Dhakkan buddhu ladka kaun..??.!"
He is smiling  in advance... Even repeats with me halfway..
He: "......larka kon"
(chants the response with me):
"nanveel! Nanveel!!"
4 guests are home. I'm the showman, they are my audience / viewers / tamaasha-ee.. .
Show begins.....
Me: "veer bahadur bachcha kaun??"
 He (disillusioned, chanting without Spirit ! no Audibility !): 😴 😴
"nanveel! Nanveel!!"
Ppl barely hear him..
I try to wrap up the show at-least to sober end.
Me: "Dhakkan buddhu ladka kaun..??.!"
He: witty, amused, shrewd, ,...
"Aley!! ... Dakk- khan toh, BAATAL me lagaate he naa..!!"
attacks again, with sarcasm, :
"tumko pata bee nai tha, CHYAA..!!???.."
Laughingly looks at all others, ...
"...tummm chyaa aaadami ho yaal !!??!! "
Me: looking into oblivion....avoiding gazes... I was the show!!

Friday, 27 January 2017

KAABIL... it is...

.... anecdote: do not skip  #KAABIL, for anything,.... forget  B grade films like Raees...

skillful director #Sanjay Gupta must have had hard time, finding a window, to come out of his stylized stints; where he managed a handsome fool, sanjay dutt, to deliver noir toned, 'extended -frame by frame-inspired', gangster flicks. Natural ground for guns and gore, which was sort ofsafe haven for Gupta.

....gupta got this opportunity, to vent out n explore his talent, beyond sepia tones; when he met, his hard working BOSS, a non manipulative perfectionist.......#HrithikRoshan....

That's 'Kaabil' for you. A blind man's vendetta saga,  against a collegium of goons...
Like a focused yogi,  Hrithik does not,..not even once, falters in his craft... neither does he ever dominates gupta's, nerve wrecking play of camera, narration and taste for blood....
His greek god like chiseled torso, is neither required nor is involved.
Gupta to his credit, keeps you stiff and on edge, enough, that your eyes n gut feeling, dance to gupta's tune.
Gupta keeps editing tight, and doesn't spare unnecessary shots and scenes.
Blind protagonist is not a 'bechara netraheen', with disability.  This blind man is a common man, who when forced to wall, strikes back like lightening, with his divine abilities.

but this Film never claimed itself, to be divine, and so,  has it's own share of earthly flaws...
1. roy brothers put forth effort in their role play, but fall short of wits, in front of Hrithik's powerhouse performance.
2. what happens to the corrupt cop. He was a critical ally of villains and instrumental in all twists n turns of story.
Was he left to live happily ever after?
Gupta has this bizarre habit of leaving loose ends....  as if he wants us to be curious, search for the usually Korean original and satiate our trivial curiosities on our own.

But then, Kaabil was never projected to be a magnum opus. It remains lesser than being great. However,  is far better than all of it's contemporaries.

Away from glitter and flash; at source of all this. sits a kingpin,.... Rakesh Roshan in his laboratory called #FilmKraft... successfully shielding his decades of showmanship, away from limelight, under wraps.... mentoring son Hrithik Roshan, one of the finest actors in current lot; churning

for #Kaabil,  congrats to gupta - Hrithik duo; Keep the good work on.
and congrats to their... kingpin.....

Friday, 14 October 2016

Chronicles of the Man from another Planet

excited to see Mars.
August 26
Met him 2 yrs ago.
Is 2 ft on longer side.
Hides behind same curtain, at same place, 6 times a day.
Shouts in full 🌕 volume, from even at 2ft distance, "meko KHOJO !!"
still gets super EXCITED when I pretend to find him!!???!!
me ( to myself): what creature is this?????

Met him 2 yrs ago.
Is 2 ft on longer side.
doesn't know how to speak properly. But CRAFTS imaginary situations to suit his needs.

11:30am, Kids are in school. Play area of our residential campus is empty. Not a single kid is in sight.
But narrates with convincing expressions and 🌴palm gestures :
"itaa-ney saare bachche aa gaye hain.. Isliye Ja ra hoon... Nai toh wo royenge na!!.."
Then confirms conclusively "...thik aye!!.."

#theManFromAnotherPlanet 3
Met him 2 yrs ago.
Is 2 ft on longer side.
When caught red handed -
shrinks staring eyes and smiles with 😜 tip of tongue stuck inside his upper lips.

#theManFromAnotherPlanet  4
Met him 2 yrs ago.
Is 2 ft on longer side
Holds a comb like a fly catcher. Thinks of himself to be MS Dhoni, and shouts - ".. billa, Meri taraf ball maaro! "
I frown and stare at him, from side of my eyes. In reaction, he copies the same, though with a smile. Comes closer to me and narrates with a casual 😁mild laughter, ".. Tummm aa-dummy ho yaar!"
(that's a poor copy of my own expletive mentioned in hopelessness about him - "tum kya aadmi ho yaar")

#theManFromAnotherPlanet  5
Met him 2 yrs ago.
Is 2 ft on longer side.
Claims he is a 🐊 'crukooodile' NOW. swims on his belly on the wooden floor.
Insists me to be crocodile too.
resolves water dispute like this -
1. "tum doosaa-re paani me jau.. Wahaan dekhoo.."
*doosaara paani = same wooden floor 2 planks across..
2."tum toh billa ho....thik aye "
(I am 😕 puzzled. Bcoz all of a sudden, I am no more a crukooodile;
and am also on my belly upon wooden floor.  doing what??I don't know
...the maid is approaching..)

#theManFromAnotherPlanet  6
Met him 2 yrs ago.
Is 2 ft on longer side.
Sticks entire length of his hands and 1 leg on Wall surface.
Tells: "i am a Lizard for SOMEtime"
confirms the name of lizard as Fiderman. [nonsense??Yes! period]
Thinks genuinely, that he can crawl up the wall.
(completely ignores that he himself has firmly kept, 1 of his legs, on the floor)

#theManFromAnotherPlanet 7
Met him 2 yrs ago.
Is 2 ft on longer side.

Staring at me, from down below. Sitting 3 ft away, on wooden floor, in his bizarre striped multicolour pajama and Chhota bheem T-shirt.
Legs spread in comfortable concave archs. Head tilted up. Both palms on his knees. Calm 😶 and expressionless.

I notice him suddenly, from behind my laptop screen. Confused 😕, I call his name, loud.

No reaction!! Shoulders hung. Back bent to ease. Expressionless. Keeps staring.

Alarmed, I run to him with Concern! Hold his torso n pick him up in the air and next microsecond,....

he is fast ASLEEP.. .. SNORING 😴!!

Met him 2 yrs ago.
Is 2 ft on longer side

sings loudly, "BulaabO Oo Osss.. Oo Oss!!!"
..makes face as RD Burman must have made while singing 🎶 mehbooba from sholay.!!

"...jara Itala-laga do..."

raises his left 🙋arm up in air, scratches arm pit, with right hand fingers. THINKS he is playing GUITAR 🎸 🎸....

"..Dhan tandang tandang..!!

Met him 2 yrs ago.
Is 2 ft on longer side

Hides below the laptop table, when nobody is looking for him.
Hits his head (bang!!!) to the bottom of table top.

Holds the injured head with 😜 1 hand and stares at me. Is confused - will I scold him for this??? Or will I sympathies???
Quickly, thinks of an alternate.
Suddenly changes face expression. Turns &, points the 2.25cm long index finger, and.... scolds the Table Top 🔝 in full 🌕 volume:

" KYONsss !!??!!"

Looks back 🔙 at me from corner of his eyes. Keeps his head stiff ; face tilted downwards. Returns and shouts again:

"TummmNe bamaaashi keee!!.." .....
.. mouth tight closed, lips stuck and arched up. Finger is still pointed, in the air.

Turns back to me, tries to keep his angry 😡 young man posture.

Fails miserably to hide the hint of smile . Gives up. Laughingly 😂 seeks my appreciation -
"Mene usako Daant diya na..." then clarifies, "..table ne bamashi ki thee na..!!

#theManFromAnotherPlanet 10
Met him 2 yrs ago...
Is 2 ft on longer side..

Is a fan of Cucumber...
(yesss! Cucumber!! of ALL things we provide!)

Is done with his lunch. When i'm going to have mine; Comes to me with an offer -
"...humma log dono Mil ke khayenge..thik aye!!"
(i have heard this before, but what trap is it this time?)
"tum lotee se kao... Me ungaali se khaoonga..thik aye!!"
Ok!! that way he excuses himself from chapati..
what next??

Plays back, what his mumma tells him -
"aik baar daal, ek baar ka-kaa-ree..thik aye!!"
Yeah!! that's the pt.

Extends his 1inch long index ☜ finger. Touches only 'SURFACE AIR ' of thick DAAL in the bowl. Touches the tongue.......
😜..moves to the plate of cucumber.. And inserts 1 whole slice in his mouth, in 1 go..

somewhere, Midway of my lunch, we have finished all cucumber, without my consumption of a single slice..

PS: I know cucumber is 'KHEERA' not kakri...
They don't know it.

#theManFromAnotherPlanet 11
Met him 2 yrs ago...
Is 2 ft on longer side..

Stands below the Fan. Extends 1 feet long hand up in the air.
Grabs something invisible and puts in his mouth.

Me (!!astonished!!) : kya Kar rahe ho be??

Responds with all sincerety and pleasure 😁 : "..HAWA khala hoon.."..
me: 😲 whaaa....aaaat!!??!! 😲


#theManFromAnotherPlanet 12
Met him 2 yrs ago...
Is 2 ft on longer side...

Listens stories as ransom to let others SLEEP.
(this includes neighbours adjacent and at floor below.)

It's 1am. I am myself 😴 sleepy after reciting 12 stories. That's when he demands:
".. ab MODI ji ki stoli sunao..... MODI ji ki... "

me: where can I submit my SURRENDER papers??


#theManFromAnotherPlanet 13
Met him 2 yrs ago...
Is 2 ft on longer side...

Imitates push ups with legs up on his chair( 1feet high) and palms on floor.
Immediately exits the posture, at his whim and pleasingly assures:
"..abhi me chhota hoon na... Tab kaaroonga, Jab me itaana bara ho jaaoonga,... Jab meri MOOCH (Mustachios) aa jayegi na....yehan pal...(taps finger on his upper lips)Tab karoonga... "

Me (to myself): who asked for his assurance?
Who requested him to oblige?? What is this?

#theManFromAnotherPlanet 14
met him 2 yrs ago..
Is 2ft on the longer side...

hanging his torso in front, over the gear box, from in between of car front seats.
says: "..mene tohsss... itani duniya Dekhi hai..!!"

Me, on non driver front seat, turn right (trying to understand his claim) and look at this creature, from over the upper rim of my specs 👓 :

"..kaise..!!??!!.... "
he; "..appani Eyes se.."
lifts 1 of his hand from shoulder of his b.arch qualified dietician, on 🚘 driving seat... and another from mine on his left.
Makes a jaw like gesture of his tablespoon size palms.
Sways his folded hands to n fro, around side window glasses :
: " mein Eshe Eshe dekata hoon na..!! "
with his inch long finger, points outside car window:
"woo deko ... ITana bara truk Ja ra he na!!"
"mene foresh me sher deka ta naa!! woh KHAAUN karke bola taa na!??.."
me: stare at him in silence, for a second.
Short of oxygen, I inhale hard and turn to front, dragging my specs 👓 up my nose, ...
But ..................he won't leave it at that. Taps on my shoulder. I turn back to him.
Happy 😊 and with shrunk corner of his eyes,
:" Shai baat hena..!!"
#theManFromAnotherPlanet 15
met him 2 yrs ago
Is 2ft on the longer side
cupHolds my face, to focus my attention to his face ONLY...

and repeats for 75th time ".. .kuth dekhanna he...!!'
Me - sarcastically- "humko dekh lo..!!"

this has 100% success rate in not letting him watch cartoons.
hit badly with my conventional weopon, he Retreats from my territory (my lap).
I get a victory feel, as if i said - 'I eat my breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me..'
BUT that's momentary!
within half a second, he comes back,...with revenge.
both hands in Air, shouts with all ferocity :
"..Bubile Mein... KUTH DEKKNA HE..!!..(clear?).."
snatches the phone. Leaves calmly.

we got our lessons-
Him - specifications matter..
Me - change is only constant..
I will upgrade myself..